Why Many Fathers Still Hesitate to Take Parental Leave

When Gaultier started interviewing again after the birth of his son, he initially chose not to mention fatherhood.

Not because it wasn’t important.

Because he didn’t know how it would be perceived.

Would employers assume he was less available?
Less ambitious?
Less committed?

So he left it out of the story.

That hesitation reveals something many parental leave policies still miss.

Leave may be legally available.

But it is not always culturally legitimate.

And when fathers are unsure whether taking leave will affect how they are perceived at work, the consequences go far beyond one family.

The Quiet Calculation Many Fathers Make

For maternity leave, legitimacy is rarely questioned.

Pregnancy, birth and recovery make the need visible and undeniable.

Paternity leave is perceived differently.

Even when policies exist, it is often framed as optional.

A benefit rather than a necessity.

That subtle distinction matters.

Because when something feels optional, people start calculating the risk.

Will my team struggle without me?
Will my manager see me differently?
Will this slow my career progression?

Many fathers therefore shorten their leave.

Others take the minimum.

Some avoid discussing it openly until the last possible moment.

The policy exists.

But the signal remains ambiguous.

When Uncertainty Replaces Structure

From a company perspective, this creates a paradox.

Parental leave is one of the most predictable transitions in the workforce.

Most employees will become parents at some point in their careers.

Yet many organizations still treat these transitions as individual situations rather than designed processes.

Planning often starts late.

Coverage is improvised.

Managers navigate conversations without clear guidance.

Employees try to interpret cultural signals before deciding what is actually acceptable.

The result is a quiet negotiation happening behind the scenes.

Not because companies want to create tension.

But because expectations remain unclear.

Parenthood Can Change How People Lead

One of the most interesting parts of my conversation with Gaultier was how he described the professional impact of those three months.

Taking time with his newborn did not reduce his ambition.

But it changed how he approached work.

He spoke about developing:

• stronger prioritization

• clearer boundaries around time and energy

• deeper empathy when working with colleagues and customers

• a sharper sense of what actually matters

In other words, the kinds of leadership qualities companies routinely say they value.

Yet when parental leave is discussed inside organizations, the conversation often focuses almost exclusively on the absence.

How long someone will be away.
Who will cover their responsibilities.
What might slow down.

Much less attention is paid to what this life experience can build.

Why Fathers Taking Leave Matters Beyond Fathers

The hesitation around paternity leave does not affect fathers alone.

When fathers feel discouraged from taking meaningful leave—subtly or explicitly—the adjustment usually shifts somewhere else.

Most often to women.

If one partner cannot step back without penalty, the other typically absorbs more of the childcare load.

That dynamic begins early.

And over time, it compounds.

Career trajectories diverge.
Availability expectations shift.
Promotion opportunities appear uneven.

By the time organizations start asking why fewer women reach senior leadership roles, the divergence is already years old.

Not because of ambition.

Because of structure.

What the Strongest Examples Show

Some countries have tried to address this imbalance structurally.

In Iceland, parental leave was redesigned so that each parent has their own individual entitlement, with a significant portion non-transferable.

If fathers do not take their leave, the family simply loses that time.

The result was a major increase in fathers actually taking parental leave.

Today Iceland consistently ranks among the most gender-equal countries in the world according to the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Index.

The country has also introduced one of the world’s most ambitious equal-pay policies, requiring companies to demonstrate that men and women are paid equally for the same work.

Parental leave alone did not create that outcome.

But researchers consistently point to fathers’ leave as one of the mechanisms that helps redistribute childcare early and reduce the structural assumption that women will be the primary parent stepping back from work.

When both parents step away, the signal changes.

Final Thought

At the end of our conversation, Gaultier reflected on the three months he spent with his son.

Work eventually resumed.

Projects moved forward.

But those early weeks of fatherhood were a moment that would never repeat itself.

The interesting question is not whether parental leave will happen.

It will.

The real question is how companies and societies choose to structure it.

Because when fathers hesitate to take leave, the adjustment does not disappear.

It simply shifts—usually toward women.

And when both parents step away from work in those early months, expectations around careers start to change for everyone.

Sometimes equality does not begin with promotion policies or leadership programs.

It begins much earlier.

At the moment a child is born.